The Secret Garden, Gifts of Nature to Help You Heal
Discover the power of resilience through nature
I remember the
year my husband, David, and I were having a large dinner party for a new show
he was doing. It was a Sci-FI show called “Sliders,” starring Jerry O’Connell
and my dear friend, Cleavant Derricks (a true star in my eyes, as he had won
the Tony for “Dream Girls” on Broadway).
David was the new
Executive Producer of the show and it was a gathering of producers, writers,
and actors. These evenings were spent in vibrant, creative conversations and
often gave birth to many new story lines and characters for the shows. It was
the part of show business I really enjoyed!
I also loved
cooking, creating the table setting, and designing the ambience. To do it well
was my gift to my husband and my friends; the gift to myself was basking in the glow of knowing I provided an evening to
be remembered.
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| Family Heirlooms dress the Table |
I set our long dining table with silver
candelabras, my treasured china, my Grandmother’s silver, and David’s
grandmother’s gold-rimmed crystal goblets. I was the keeper of family heirlooms
and cherished each and every one, as they held stories of our past, and that of
our ancestors.
I snipped flowers
for the table from the front yard. I held a basket of mint sprigs and gladiolas
that popped up in early spring. As I searched the yard for more color, my
friend Jody drove up the circular driveway with a huge smile on her face.
She hopped out of
her Suburban and threw open the back hatch. She carefully lifted out a gargantuan
yellow sunflower, 7 feet tall! She had pulled it from the earth, roots and all!
“This is for you!”
she blurted out.
“What? It’s
beautiful! What should I do with it?”
Jody said, “It’s
for your dinner table tonight!
“But I don’t think
I have a seven foot vase!” I laughed.
Come on…I’ll show
you,” she replied as she moved toward the front steps holding the flower and I
held the ball of roots.
Jody guided us
into the dining room and carefully placed the giant sunflower right down the
center of my table, from end to end. It was glorious! It brought whimsy,
sunlight, and aliveness to my table dressed with antiques!
That was Jody. She
created delight from the toil of her garden.
Jody’s love of her
garden has taught me a lot over the years, especially in the darkest hours of
my life.
Those dark hours
came when I experienced my greatest tragedy. I lost my beautiful 16-year old
boy suddenly to a rare form of meningitis.
Nothing evokes a
more profound life change than loss. When it’s a child, it’s called “the worst
that can happen." And if it’s your
child, you’ve entered a very remarkable group of people on the planet, who know
how it feels to have chapters of your life ripped away. Not only are the
present and future changed, so is the past.
Suddenly, those
beautiful, joyful memories of my child’s early years were painfully colored by
the aura of loss. The death of a child changes every chapter of your book of life. The chapters are suddenly
chaotic and broken apart. It defies the natural order of life. My child left
this earth before me, and for that, I was forced to create a whole new way of
existence.
The grief creeps
upon life like a moss that shrouds the darkest forests. It’s black and
suffocating, with no light piercing through the heavily laden branches. I
looked to my faith, my friendships, and my family for light. I relied on them
to guide me to the light when I couldn’t see the way.
While trying to
make sense of something that cannot be understood, I held myself close to those
people who brought me peace and comfort. Jody was one of those.
In March of the
year of grief, Jody encouraged me to experience the cycles of life in another
way… opening my heart with the task of creating.
She gave me two
books that I treasure to this day. The first, “Women Who Run With the Wolves”
by Clarissa Pinkola Estés,Ph.D. was my awakening to the value of getting my
hands in the dirt. The author says the cycle of nature is “Life/Death/Life.”
I studied the book
with a yellow highlighter in hand as it revealed how carefully nature is
choreographed, without any effort at all, but by the divine hand of God.
We think life is
all about control, planning, chance, and some luck. What unexpected
circumstances reveal to us, however, is the plan born to us by the very nature
of being God’s child.
Jody encouraged me
to plant a garden. She thought I could begin the healing process through the
lessons of nature.
I had over an acre
of land in Westlake Village set against the backdrop of the Santa Monica
Mountains. We had a forest of oaks, pine, and ficus trees covering the
property, and even a babbling creek.
The second book
Jody gave me, “She Who Loves a Garden,” by Mary Engelbreit was inscribed with
the thought My dear friend, Sandy, No
one, not even God, will ever take your garden away. With love, Jody.
In this tiny,
whimsical book, it says, “She who loves a garden learns the lessons of the
seasons and how life itself adheres to nature’s plan.”
There’s a saying,
“When a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, does it make a sound?”
What about my forest?
Inexplicably, the
very morning of my son’s memorial service, one of our massive oak trees fell.
Two hundred years of standing majestically on this land, the tree just tipped
right out of the ground and died.
That fallen
ancient oak was my son’s silent song as hundreds of people gathered at the
church two miles away to honor his life. Don’t try to explain it. It’s timing
was an act of nature more powerful than the human mind can comprehend.
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| some of the many gifts given to my garden |
It had to be a
rose garden. After all, my first published book was “Rosey…the Imperfect
Angel.” It’s a children’s fairy tale about a little angel who is born with a
face that’s different than all the other angels. Little Rosey was assigned the
task of tending a rose garden in Heaven. Through her hard work, tears, love,
and ultimate joy, she had the garden that represented all nature had to offer.
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| My book |
You see, my own
daughter, Julianne, was born with a cleft, and my desire to introduce her into
the world with a very different face gave birth to the story.
The rose
represents resilience. In the winter, roses are cut back to sticks and stripped
of leaves. The bushes weather the frost, and somehow manage to bloom every
spring, no matter what.
As my garden took
shape, my wonderful circle of friends began bringing me roses of every kind. I
would open my front door in the morning, and there would be another rose bush,
waiting to be planted in what I called “Garrett’s Garden.”
Children would
make wind chimes and colorful signs; others would bring bird baths, fountains,
and tools for nurturing the garden. Garrett’s pediatrician, brought a huge plum
tree.
I carefully
labeled each plant, documenting who gave it to me, and what day it arrived.
My children often
helped me dig, pull weeds and plant. I loved it. It was joyful! I felt
connected to Garrett as I tended the garden.
For my birthday, I bought myself a
swinging bench. My husband and I would sit on it many weekend afternoons and
find solace amongst the roses. We found joy, sometimes laughter as we recalled
so many wonderful memories.
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| "Garrett's Garden" Stone at the entrance |
Ahhh, the cycles
of life, I was learning that all forms of life offer challenges and ultimately
to accept what I couldn’t control. My garden brought me peace and was a place
to bury my sorrow.
I remember two years after my son died, a friend called to tell
me how happy she was that her son was accepted to college. She had every right
to her joy. I attempted to express happiness, but hung up the phone, and burst
into tears.
Why couldn’t it be my
son going to college?
I ran to my garden and dug furiously in the dirt. My hands were
white from gripping the trowel like a weapon and hitting rocks and roots from
the nearby oak tree. My tears watered the ground beneath me. I snagged my arm
on a thorn and blood dripped to the earth.
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| Little Julianne, tending our garden |
Every year was a
new beginning, as I cut back the roses in winter and knew, without a doubt,
they would bloom again. I could hold God and nature, responsible for losing my
blooms to the deer, the gophers, the rabbits, and the aphids. Ultimately He
would give me an opportunity to start again in the spring as the tender leaves
sprout from the brown stumps, and deeply planted bulbs would send shoots up
through the dirt, hardened by the cold of winter.
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| roses and fountain from my garden |
My garden is one
of triumph.
I offer you a new
way to traverse the challenges that life gives you in the following exercises.
Using Nature to Heal Life’s Challenges
·
Consider
Planting a Garden. From your list of friends, find the one friend who has a
green thumb. Ask them to help you plant a garden.
·
Watch for
the Gifts! Once you start your garden, and you let your friends know, and I
promise you will begin to receive plants, bushes, wind chimes…all kinds of
things for your beautiful garden!
·
Make a
sign or have a plaque or a stone made to designate this as your special garden.
I had a large beautiful stone etched with “Garrett’s Garden.” You could also
name it something like “Transition” or “Finding Peace.”
·
If you
don’t have the space for planting a garden, set aside a place on your deck or
your porch to grow potted roses. Roses come with many beautiful names, like "Peace, "Love," "Forever." Choose names that mean something to you.
·
Water
features offer sounds of peace flowing. Even the smallest fountain makes a
peaceful sound.
·
Care for
your plants, nurture them, prune them, watch them sprout, bloom, change, and wither,
only to come back again.
·
If you
don’t want to plant, give yourself a gift of buying flowers at the grocery
store or flower stand. They will brighten your home and your spirit. Remember,
flowers awaken and soothe your spirit with their gifts of color, beauty and
glorious scents.
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| Photo from my garden captured by Jim De Girolamo |
Those are the miracles that taught me life does indeed have good cycles and
tragic cycles; and yet from it, rebirth emerges. The challenges and sorrows are
just as important as the joys and the glorious blooms in shaping your garden of
life. Resilience lies somewhere,
deep inside our souls, ready to spring forth from the roots of tragedy. When we
emerge, it opens us to the glory of a life fully lived.
With Love,
With Love,
Sandy Peckinpah is the host of a radio show on KRXA 540 AM Talk Radio, Passion By Design. It’s a show about designing and living a life of passion. She is the author of several books, her newest being the award winning, “How to Survive the Worst that can Happen,” a parent’s step by step guide to healing after the loss of a child, written from her own experiences of losing a child. Her blog, www.BreakthroughToHappyaddresses an array of inspiring subjects from transformation, grief, and resilience.. Sandy welcomes your inquiries: sandy@sandypeckinpah. Visit her websitewww.SandyPeckinpah.com
